Goals are no longer solely a matter of my self-discipline. Days are highly unpredictable and mainly consist of the urgent needs of those around me. So what does progress look like now as a SAHM and homemaker?
Now that I’m 3 months postpartum with my second child, I’ve been trying to get back into the swing of things and set goals for myself.
However, I quickly realized my life now has a different pace.
I was starting to feel the shift while pregnant with a young toddler. But now, my oldest is in full toddler mode and my baby is having longer wake windows. So, days are packed and go by so fast!
I find myself asking, “Will I be able to finish a book? Will I have time to get out my sewing machine and actually complete a project? When will the occasional tasks for the home ever get done?”
Spoiler alert: it’s possible, it just looks different now.
The Gap in Productivity Books
Recently, I read a popular productivity book called Eat That Frog! by Brian Tracy. The main premise of the book was to “eat your frog” at the beginning of each day. Your “frog” is simply your task that you don’t want to do. Or the task you’re likely to procrastinate on but it’s the task that’s the most important for your life goals.
I listened to it on audiobook and soaked it up. I really enjoyed it and found it to be very helpful. He mentioned the importance of eliminating distractions. He also encouraged the reader not to move on to the next thing until your task at hand was completed.
Although both of these principles are generally true when it comes to productivity, it doesn’t quite transfer over well to stay-at-home moms. Imagine if your potty-training toddler asked for your help in the bathroom and you were in the middle of planning next week’s meals so you told them to give you 10 minutes to finish. That just wouldn’t work.
Or (hypothetically speaking) if you were writing a blog post on productivity and your nursing child woke up earlier than expected, ready to eat, and you said, “Can you give me 25 minutes until I’ve gotten all my thoughts out?” Yeah, no.
So, the entire time I was listening, I kept asking myself “But how does this apply to stay-at-home moms?”
Identify Your Personal Essential Tasks
It can feel defeating at the end of the day when you had high expectations to get things accomplished but nothing on your to-do list got checked off. You end the day feeling unproductive and possibly, inefficient.
Then you realize-the kids were fed, diapers were changed and they were cared for and kept safe. This could be a sign you have not fully clarified what success looks like for your role as stay-at-home mom.
One recommendation from the book completely transformed my perspective. He told the reader to write down their top 3 essential tasks to getting their job done well. These tasks become the baseline for your day. (I highly recommend you do this as well. You may find ours are similar or different.)
Either way, my top 3 essential tasks are: childcare, feeding my family, and cleaning our space.
I added a bonus task that supersedes them all, which is prioritizing my relationship with God. I need to make time for God each day in order to have a strong spiritual foundation. This foundation is what everything else I do builds on. I have to feel like time with God is important enough to get up early for (or even lose sleep for at times).
I’m really working on this area of my life, because there’s many days when it feels like so much to do and I just need to dive into the checklist. But what my husband and kids need most, is not a mother who checks everything off her list but is distant from God and has a bitter heart and spirit. What they need is a wife and mom who sits at the Lord’s feet and truly loves God.
Mundane Tasks and Sense of Accomplishment
Reread those essentials tasks as a stay-at-home mother. Care, eat, and clean. Caring for children and ensuring their safety is 24/7. Eating is at least 3 times a day, plus snacks. Laundry and dishes are daily. High-traffic areas of the home are at least weekly. After a day of changing diapers, making lunch, going grocery shopping and tidying our home for the third time, it doesn’t necessarily feel like I’ve gotten anything done that day.
The bulk of taking care of the home is cyclical. They don’t generally come with this great sense of accomplishment. As you’re washing a load of laundry, you’re wearing clothes that will need to be washed. As you finished up the dishes from lunch, you’re thinking of the meal you’re preparing for dinner.
This key distinction in homemaking is what sets this job apart from most other jobs that revolve around the completion of projects. It can especially be a shock for women who are college-educated or decided to work within the home after having a career. For me, it initially shook my identity when I became a full-time homemaker.
Now, I no longer disregard my top priorities when considering the day. Although mundane, those tasks do take time and deserve designated time in my daily schedule without them feeling easy to brush aside to get “real” things done. They are valid tasks and require dedicated time.
Approach Distractions Differently
Like I mentioned earlier, avoiding distractions and completing a task in one sitting without distractions looks different as a mom.
One perspective shift that has freed me has been telling myself that what gets accomplished at the end of the day is not always up to my willpower anymore. With littles around, unpredictability is expected. My focus has been clarified and as long as they are taken care of, anything extra is considered a bonus, not an expectation.
One Way SAHMs Can Avoid Distractions
There is one way we can be proactive with distractions. You guessed it-it’s with our phones and social media.
In the book, Brian mentioned the importance of avoiding excess use of phones and checking emails in order to get more done in a day.
Since become a mom, I’ve been so inconsistent on social media. Not only can it breed comparison, it can drain away precious time in a day for you to do what actually fuels you.
I try to take regular times away from social media so I can be present in my own life and use my free time for my hobbies and pursuing personal goals. I encourage you to do the same. Social media is not bad, it just has to be used intentionally. As soon as we notice it is no longer serving us, it may be time to step away for a break.
Avoiding phone-related distractions also includes things like turning off excess push notifications and opting out of unnecessary text updates.
One source of stress for me is with my calls, texts and emails. It often takes me days to respond to people. I do not recommend this for building community! I really want to get better with finding a balance. I’m thinking of setting aside time in the afternoon and evening to get back with people, which will allow me to stay connected with others but not allowing non-urgent messages to disrupt the flow of the day.
So in light of everything, we know that just because we serve our families does not mean we will no longer have goals. So, how do we make progress on our goals?
(Still) Set the Goals!
Don’t throw away your to-do list yet! We, as moms, should still set goals. A great part of life is our ability to devote time and energy into the future we feel the Lord has called us to.
With setting goals, we must be realistic and try to fit it in our schedules where we can. Which may mean only doing one or two extra tasks a day (outside of our daily responsibilities). But progress is still progress.
When you set your goals and plan your days, you have to be so realistic for the current life stage you’re in. For me, I have two kids under the age of two. But you may be freshly postpartum, you may have twins, have two kids at two different schools or even a mom to one, but with everything being new, it can feel overwhelming.
Traveling Alone vs Together
I thought of an analogy of a short trip across town. Alone, it used to only take you five minutes to get to your destination. You’re very familiar with the route and know how simple it is to complete.
Now, that same trip takes you an hour with passengers. One person needs a snack, one person has to use the restroom, one person has to go to the ATM and the list goes on.
It reminds me of the African proverb that says “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Although I may not have as much of the day to work with as I once did while single, I now have a new opportunity to spend my time pouring into my children. With the help of the Lord, my hope and prayer is that we will go further together in building the kingdom of God. And that the daily work will impact generations.
2. Do the Most Important Thing First
The major takeaway I got from Eat That Frog! is to do the most important task first. When time is limited, it’s so helpful to start with whatever task has the greatest impact on your goal.
As a Christian, I believe the best way to start my day is with prayer and in God’s Word. But if there’s any other point in the day when I have the opportunity to choose what gets done (and it’s not up to the urgent needs of those around me), I try to use my time wisely and start with the most important task. This advice alone helps me so much with fighting against discouragement when I’m interrupted.
The biggest way this applies to my life is during nap time. If I start with the most important task and my son wakes up earlier than I was expecting, I’m less likely to feel irritated. Because the perspective has changed from, “Ugh, I didn’t get to work on this important assignment.” to “Whew, at least I got my most important item done first.”
3. Give Yourself Grace & Allow God to Work
Brian Tracy opened his book with a reminder that we will never have enough time to get everything we want accomplished in this life. Never have enough time to read all the books we want. Never cross everything off our to-do list.
I read that introduction at the right time. I was completely overwhelmed and felt like I was drowning in to-dos.
Just accepting that everything will not get done, takes the weight off our shoulders. We just have to focus on what we can do ourselves. And let whatever we can’t take on, just be and trust God.
But even more importantly, we must leave room for God to work.
Scripture tells us that “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9) and “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21). In James 4:13-16, it talks about how we boast in our arrogance when we make firm plans for the future.
The Bible is not discouraging us from making future plans. It’s just reminding us that in making plans, it’s all subject to the Lord’s will.
I was listening to a podcast (linked below) from John Piper on this topic and one thing he mentioned was that “Frustrating human efficiency is one of God’s primary means of sanctifying grace.” He closed out the episode with a profound word. He encouraged listeners to still set goals, but to…
“Walk in peace and freedom that when it shatters on the rocks of reality, which it will most days, remember, you’re not being measured by God by how much you get done. You’re being measured by whether you trust the goodness and wisdom and the sovereignty of God to work this new mess for His glory and for the good of everyone involved even when you can’t see how.”
John piper
It just goes back to the classic example of not being too upset that you left the house later than you planned, because the Lord could have been sparing you from a car accident.
But also, we can’t fully understand the impact it has on a child when we slow down on checking off our tasks to allow them to help us with sweeping the dining room floor. It just might help them develop into adults that are responsible and kind.
Remember, your identity is in Christ alone. Not in how much you get accomplished.
It’s so simple. It’s so true. But often easy to forget.
I have to remind myself of this daily when I feel like I fall short because I didn’t get as much done as I’d hoped. Some daily reminders I tell myself are:
- No matter what I accomplish today, God does not love me more or less.
- All that I do is for His glory, not mine.
- I trust in His sovereign plan for my day, even if it’s not what I imagined.
Main Takeaways:
- Keep setting goals. Take daily action with at least one small move in the direction you feel the Lord is calling you to. Make peace with what progress looks like in this season.
- Trust God in working through even the seemingly small tasks of preparing meals, cleaning your home, and raising children.
- We might can’t see it but we can trust God’s plan in working all these things for His glory and for the good.
Mentioned Resources:
God’s Sovereign Plans Behind Your Most Unproductive Days by John Piper on Desiring God Podcast
